![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Loose lips sink ships
Jul. 31st, 2009
Apr. 5th, 2009
07:09 pm
Thank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank youThank you Thank you.
Cassie and Mallorie. You guys gave me some fun times this weekend.
Mar. 26th, 2009
06:38 pm
life is wonderful right now.
TGUK tattoo here I come.
Concerts I'm seeing
Falloutboy
Flight of the Conchords
Bamboozle: Falloutboy,Third Eye Blind, New Found Glory, THE GET UP "FUCKING" KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,Bay
oh man.....the next two months are going to be kick ass.
plus, I feel closer and closer to moving back to NYC.
<3 it all.
Mar. 20th, 2009
12:56 pm
"Why does California treat its women so poorly?
and for the women out there, I'd like them to have some sort of indication of the fact that they're older then 14, a brief hint of pubis would be nice...not a 70's thunder bush, but just a reminder that I'm performing cunnilingus on an actual adult female."
totally had to write that from an apple store. If you know the reference, then I love you.
Mar. 10th, 2009
02:41 am
I forgot how fun New York City could be. I've been going to the city more often and I really miss it. I guess I just had way too many bad memories there that I needed time apart from so that I could learn to get over them.
well, its safe to say that there are less and less bad memories every time I go there.
Feb. 28th, 2009
02:15 pm
Spring cleaning my life is freaking awesome. I really feel like I'm getting a fresh start on a lot of things, and its really good. Its one thing to forget about or run away from the past(sorry, you can't do that, as Simba taught us in the Lion King) its another thing to embrace who you were and make an honest attempt to change that.
and I'm making that honest attempt every single day, and it feels wonderful.
Feb. 26th, 2009
Feb. 17th, 2009
10:02 pm
Straylight Run "For The Best,"
"And it takes more time than I've ever had,
Drains the life from me, makes me want to forget.
As young as I was, I felt older back then,
More disciplined, stronger and certain.
But I was scared to death of eternity,
I was saved by grace and destroyed by naivety.
And I lied to myself and said it was for the best.
And now faith is replaced with a logic so cold,
I've disregarded what I was now that I'm older.
And I know much more than I did back then,
But the more I learn the more I can't understand.
And I've become content with this life that I lead
Where I drink too much and don't believe in much of anything
And I lie to myself, and say it's for the best
We're moving forward but holding ourselves back, and we're waiting on something that'll never come...
We're moving forward but holding ourselves back, and we're waiting on something that'll never come
We're moving forward but holding ourselves back,
and we're waiting on something that'll never come (and I lie to myself)
We're moving forward but holding ourselves back,
and we're waiting on something that'll never come(and say it's for the best)
We're moving forward but holding ourselves back,
and we're waiting on something that'll never come (and I lie to myself)
We're moving forward but holding ourselves back,
and we're waiting on something that'll never come (and say it's for the best)"
Feb. 8th, 2009
11:36 pm
It feels good to be, um back? I guess the right word would be.
I feel like I've washed off a large crust of beer,women,parties,slacking off, disappointment's,fights,long nights,nights I can't remember,drama,step backs, and overall eight months of just a lot of poor decisions.
I don't know where to begin.
Or even if I should recount any of it.
ok, I admit it I really fucked up.
We learn and grow right? Ever since I graduated college and moved up to Albany I feel like I've been living in one perpetual kegger after another, is this what college is supposed to be like? I remember being at F.I.T. and actually doing work. Of course I slacked off, and waiting until the last minute for deadlines yatta yatta yatta, but I got my work done. As I grew up I got better and better at it, and it started to show.
I got an album designed and in stores by my junior year of college.
I had a high paying job in the same year.
I met a girl I pretty much fell head over heels for even if she had some pretty big issues.
I was living in NYC and starting to slowly figure out who I was.
Then the shit hit the fan. It all started when Sarah never came back up with me from Florida. I'm not blaming her, but I was never the same after that. After spending a whole semester with just her and only her, that apartment started to feel like ours. We were making a life with each other, slowly growing more and more used to having the other in our daily routines. When she moved out, and stayed in Fl, that apartment never looked the same. Instead of being my home, it was just one big giant glaring reminder that I didn't have her anymore. SO I needed to get the hell out of dodge. I moved out as soon as school was over and never looked back. I even to this day find it very hard to go there, sleep over or be around because it still reminds me of her.
From there I moved to Albany, and went from living with one other person to 6. Now being an only child, I wasn't used to that many people all at once. I took up shitty jobs, I started to try to get a company off the ground and I well, partied a lot. Sarah and I fought more and more, I grew more and more distant and more and more of a...umm guy I guess,lol. Its weird because I've always been super nice, and a very I guess decent guy. I slowly started making really stupid stupid choices and things I would have never done.
In the aftermath of that, my company is no where near where it could be, Sarah and I broke up, I lived on a couch for 8 months. All my friends either lost total respect for me, or talked about it behind my back. I totally did not like the man I had become.
I don't know why, but thankfully I snapped out of it. It was like a lot of different things were all working at the same time, by none of it lined up. I would make a change here or there but then make five more dumb choices, then one day about a month ago everything just kind of lined up and CLICK...I snapped out of it.
I saw what I needed to do, I saw what was required of me to get it and I've since then been making the slow recovery to get back to at least the man I was when I graduated.
I've spent so much time having a job, working really hard, not partying, etc. that I felt like I needed to do it. That I didn't have a "real," college life because I never lived on campus or got wasted every night, and when given the chance I took it.
but I see now that that's not what I want at all. I hate it so much that my bedroom was the living room, and my bed was the couch. I want my own place, with my own stuff, in a city I love. Now, I don't know what that city is, and I honestly don't care.
Because I realized that where I live, what I do, doesn't mean a fucking thing if I can't share it with the one person I love more then anything else in the world; Sarah.
After everything I realized that this girl, really is the girl of my dreams. She really has been there for me since the day we started dating. Shes been nothing but the best friend I could ever have and I see how much a part of my life that girl really is. And its not like I'm saying I can't live without her...because I can. I could get over it eventually, I'd meet some other girl, fall in love and be fine.
But I don't want that.
I want her to be that girl.
I'm ready to grow up. I'm ready to start having a life, ready to make draw my career, and in the meantime get an actual job in the field I went to college for.
FUCK ZUMIEZ. and every other shit job I forced myself to have because I thought I needed to "make ends meet," because that's bullshit. You don't need a crappy job to live, if you work hard enough and bust your ass, you can get that job you always wanted. You can get what you want without ever compromising yourself...and I used to believe that through and through.
and I lost it.
As I start to get that fire back, and get back who I am, I'm seeing more and more the man I want to become, need to become and will become.
I love my friends and I hope that they can grow and come to the same realizations I have, and that I can grow up knowing and being successful with them, instead of alone.
but most of all, I'm ready to be with Sarah again.
I miss her. and I miss the person I was when I was with her.
I love you Sarah Briley Roberts.
Jan. 19th, 2009
03:03 pm
I haven't really posted in this for a bit, but I'm going to make an attempt to pick that up.
A lot has happened in such a small time, and I don't really want to go into all of it, and if you're close enough to me you already know a lot.
I guess there's just been a series of moments that makes me really take a step back and take a long hard look at well, me. People always want the truth, or at least they always ask for it. I can't count the number of times I've heard in my life "I just want you to be honest with me," but do we really want that? Do we really want the people closest to us to be 100% honest with us? to tell us the truth and nothing but the truth...
Whether I wanted it or not, over the last few weeks, I've gotten that truth. Its really started to make me see the bigger picture of one of two things.
Who I am.
or who everyone thinks I am.
I'm leaning more to the middle and that its more of a hybrid of the two.
I've had this stupid thing open for like 3 hours now...trying to think about what i want to write...and it just doesn't matter. I get it; people don't really view me as the worlds best person/friend/worker/employee/boyfriend etc.
whatever. I'm fully aware of my faults, what everyone thinks of me/them......I'm not going to sit here and talk about it..or at all.
people can think whatever they want, I know what I'm capable of and what I can do/achieve, so I'm going to stop talking about it and start doing it.
Jan. 5th, 2009
Nov. 9th, 2008
Oct. 26th, 2008
11:40 pm
So, I always talk about wanting to write short stories, or wanting to write in general, but I never really tried. Lately I have been, and I find myself really liking it...this is one of a few I've written, I'd love to hear some feedback.
Head On Collision
My glasses are a bit fuzzy and have the typical grease on them that comes with falling asleep wearing ones glasses. I notice a bit of drool on my mouth and I quickly wipe it away and check my surroundings; we've landed. I do as much stretching as I possible can while still sitting down and wait for the person next to me to leave before I follow them out. I check the seat and make sure I have all my things; my neck is still a bit cramped from sleeping against the window.
I crack my neck as I walk out of the plane, slightly disoriented and still a bit groggy. I get my bearings and try to find my baggage. Its weird how familiar this all feels, the flight, the transfers, the airport; all feel like a second home. I make this trip every other month and see more of this place then I ever should have to. I'm a bit charmed by the quant little shops but overall its unimpressive, as it usually is.
Damn I'm bitter today.
I guess it's part traveling, part not getting enough sleep but overall my distain for having to do this. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed the hustle and bustle of traveling, and I think I've made this trip so often that its just became daily routine. I run through my head all the things I have to remember to do. Call my mom, figure out how I'm getting home, order those concert tickets, figure out my sleeping arrangements etc. I'm actually thinking of everything but the reason I'm even here.
The fucking luggage bag keeps hitting my ankle as I carry it behind me and it just adds to my ever-growing mood. I silently curse to myself and keep on the long hallway to the exit, I count the steps until I can get out of here and maybe even count the days until I lea…..
Fuck.
I think it hits me at once, and for some reason everything around me stops. Every negative feeling I've ever had washes away and I just stare. She walks around the corner of the door and almost bumps into me.
Her hairs a lot longer I think to myself. It covers her face a lot more then I ever noticed.
She's wearing this charcoal dress that ends mid thigh…God she has great legs. You can see a hint of her cleavage even though she's never had the biggest chest, but it doesn't matter because she wears it well. Her silver necklace fits perfectly in-between and it draws even more attention there. She's slightly thinner then most girls but not in that sickly eating disorder way; which if you knew the whole story would be the funniest joke you've ever heard.
Her legs seem endless as my eyes follow them down, flash backs of my lips lightly kissing her inner thigh hit me hard. As we reach the end we hit feet that deserve Kill Bill type framing, she's got a fresh French Pedicure I notice to myself, and she has on the flats I bought her. Its weird to noticed every little thing about her body. I can see her coy smile as she sees me, the sunlight slightly reflecting off of her lip-gloss. I can smell her victories secret body spray, the scent is instantly recognizable. Her eyes, a cold deep brown just beg for me to look at her and whisper how much I love her right now.
We hug each other awkwardly, and its surprises me how weird it feels to hug a person that I'm so familiar with. She asks for my bag even though we both know she couldn't carry it even if she tried, but she has to be a good hostess. We walk back to her truck and the suspension is killing me.
The way each foot lands on the pavement mirrors my heartbeat to perfection. My eyes run up her legs, and I can notice a hint of her underwear through the dress. As I focus on her head, her curly brown hair slightly bouncing with her steps I feel my self-growing with this uncontrollable need to kiss her.
As we put my bags into the back of her car my mind is running a mile a minute. I focus on every part of her, I think about the way my heart flutters in my chest, I think about how perfectly our hands fit together and I weigh the options.
I think about all that's happened in the time from where I last saw her until now. I remember the fights, the break up, the crying and the amount of food I ignored for the 3 days I felt like death. I think about where we are now, and how fast things change. I think about our agreement to have space, and our acceptance that we might not be together. That had I not bought the ticket ahead of time, I might not even be here, and the fact that if I told her how I felt, or that I loved her…it would only be met with a sadden stare and a silent response.
I think about everything and I freeze.
I don't know what to do, and I don't know that to say, she looks over from her door as if to tell me to get into the car. What do I do? I can't help but feel this gripping sense of desire and need for her, but I can't seem to forget the harsh reality of everything else.
I walk over to her side of the car she looks up at me from the drivers seat and I pull her up to me so that our faces meet. I look into her eyes and I can feel myself loosen up but my grip on her should grow tighter. I wrap my pointer finger around her spaghetti strap and she looks away…sad, ashamed, and guilty. I turn her head back to face me and I make eye contact again. Tears are welling up in her eyes and she slowly whispers my name
Jordan…
I close my eyes and move my hand to the back of her head, my fingers becoming tangled in her curls, I slowly move her head forward, a million things going on all at once, but at the same time I'm thinking about nothing. I don't know how this will end, or what will happen after this, and I don't care.
Fuck the repercussions
Fuck the past
I just need this moment and nothing else
I just need her kiss and everything will be ok.
All this goes through my mind as we move closer together, she's no longer fighting it, and at the last second
Sep. 26th, 2008
03:34 am
"The Tension And The Terror"
All the boys voices cracking,
Oh, the moaning half tones,
Come summer time,
We're all the same age here,
All the tension and the terror,
Thin limbed gorgeous green eyes smiling,
And I'm going straight to hell,
All the possibility and promise just,
Weighs on me so heavily,
And I try but I'm not convincing,
Your lips they pout and twist and,
I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you,
You take in everything with a certainty I envy
It's somehow all I need just keep me guessing please,
Oh darling all of these awkward jump-start-stalling conversations,
Mean much more to me than anything,
So it comes down to me and you and,
Whether were supposed to or not we still will,
We're so much better off than them,
All the possibility and promise just,
Weighs on me so heavily,
And I try but I'm not convincing,
Your lips they pout and twist and,
I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you,
You take in everything with a certainty I envy
It's somehow all I need just keep me guessing please!
A look,
A laugh,
A smile,
A second,
Passes by and I regret it,
Words just aren't right,
Sometimes I just can't explain,
All the ways you devastate me,
Always on my mind,
I try but I'm not convincing,
Your lips they pout and twist and,
I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you,
You take in everything with a certainty I envy
It's somehow all I need just keep me guessing,
I try but I'm not convincing,
Your lips they pout and twist and,
I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you,
You take in everything with a certainty I envy
It's somehow all I need just keep me guessing please.
Sep. 22nd, 2008
Sep. 12th, 2008
10:18 am
Life has such a strange way of dealing its hand.
You really just have to sit by and enjoy the ride, so many times I've tried to control things, tried to think that some part of me has control over the things that happen to me...I was wrong.
I'm not saying that people don't have any control over their lives because we do, we have a lot of control actually. I guess I'm saying that there are a lot of times though where things just some how come out of the blue and surprise the hell out of us. That things we never saw coming or would have ever been prepared for seem to happen at the weirdest possible times.
I think ever since January I've been grieving over my relationship with Sarah. I've been trying so hard to hold onto the past 2 and a half years because I've been so intensely scared about what the future held. I was afraid of losing her, not having her in my life, the dynamics of our relationship changing, and us changing in general that I had a tough time.
It wasn't until I left Florida this last time that it really dawned on me that who we were, the relationship we had...was dead. That the Sarah and Jordan I knew and loved for almost the last 3 years was gone, and was never going to come back. I think I finally accepted the fact that I need to stop trying to control what I can't. I love Sarah to death, but it seems like we're stuck in a period of our lives right now where we're doing some serious self discovery, and its as many parts scary as it is exciting.
I can't really say what the future holds for me and her, but I can say that I've accepted that we're never going to be what we were in the past. I can also say that I'm very excited about that, because even just the idea of being with her as a clear thinking, rational person has always been a goal for me. I think by accepting that the past is just that;the past, I've finally opened myself up to the future and I can't wait to see how our future ends up.
So on the flip side, the clothing company me and her have been talking about doing for the past 2 years has its first line being released on Sat. Again...its equal parts super exciting and equal parts fucking terrifying.
Aug. 3rd, 2008
10:38 pm
I have this nervous knot in my stomach right now. I just no less then 14 hours ago spent a good chunk of my savings on Tee-shirts.
To do a speed up.
I got fired from Deutsch because I was lazy and didn't ever do anything there. I really haven't doing anything there for two years, or at least ever since I won the cd contest. I did what was asked of me, but never more then that and I never went out of my way to find work. The job really did pay for most of if not all of my expenses in my last two years of college..and I know I saved at least 10,000 in printing, mounting...ink pens pencils paper etc. AND they paid me well. When I got fired I didn't get upset, I was kind of in denial that it was my fault, I made a list of excuses of why it happened and what it really boils down to is I was expendable.
Theres this speech that really hits it home what I went through. Its by a college professor named Randy Pausch ( you can see the lecture here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_Mqic
I didn't want to work at Deutsch. So when I was told to call back in a few weeks to check in, I didn't.
I realized that I don't want to work period. At least I don't want to work for anyone.
It was then that I really started going full force for the clothing company with Sarah. I guess I had always flirted with the idea of doing it, I knew I wanted to, but it took a brick wall in my professional career to show me what I really wanted. So last night I with some of my closest friends picked out the designs and the colors for the first line from Draw ltd.
Sept 13th the site goes live. and to kick it off I'm having a GIANT release party....tons of draw games, fun times and limited edition tee shirts and posters.
I'll be sending out invites soon. If you want to know more let me know.
I'm on my way to doing what I knew I always wanted to do, the best part is I've surrounded myself with the people I care about most in the process.
Jul. 25th, 2008
03:18 am
So while driving home from the X-files tonight my mom and I were hit by a drunk driver about a mile away from our house.
We're fine, we were stopped at a red light; when it turned green we went forward and the car was making a left.
He was only 19 years old. His life as he knew it driving wise could be over.
luckly we were only driving about 10mph but it still damaged the hell out of our car.
The scariest thing about all of this was that we were stopped at a red light a mile away from our house. It didn't matter what car I drove, or who I was with...I was going to get into this accident tonight.
Its scary to know that there was 3 different cars I could have been in, 3 different scenarios...and I would have still gotten into this accident.
Even though I'm fine, I don't think I'll be the same after this.
Jul. 18th, 2008
12:02 pm
So the dark Knight pretty much was everything I was hoping for and then some.
SPOILERS!!!
Ledger was fan-fucking-tastic and has just taken the joker and made him his;that selfish bastard. I feel bad for any other actor who tries to be the joker in the future, because ledger IS the joker.
I liked how the Harvey storyline was tightly sealed up, and not as rushed as I was generally feeling (Spider-man 3 anyone?) though I don't know if I liked his face..as two-face. It was good, but I still think acid would have been better.
my only complaint or the only thing that scares me is...
HOW THE HELL DO YOU TOP THIS!?
theres no villian's as rich and deep as Harvey two-face and the joker, so unless they bring back Two-face a la Dark Victory...I'm scared about the third one.
Jul. 14th, 2008
11:44 am
http://www.drawlimited.com/
Its just a place holder, but still. I have my first website.
designed by Cassie.
Navigate: (Previous 20 Entries)